A Poem of sorts

It got better
December 13, 2013


(A fictional persona of course, because if I were in AA I'd be anonymous)


Today I have 30 years
of sobriety in AA.
30 years ago December 13th
in 1983 I drank a beer, my second or third and went home
and skipped a nightcap.
The next day I wrote myself sober
in a journal
I used to think on paper.
Yeah I should, I wrote, why not?

And I went home and
I didn't drink and the next day
I called a counselor
and we made an appointment---
for the following week
and I didn't drink.

Go to AA
he said
and a day later I did.
St Francis of Assisi Church
in Atwater
a gay meeting, I didn't know.
A warmup speaker
said no matter how hard he tried
it got worse and then he didn't drink
and it got better
and if he doesn't drink
it gets better.
And I heard that.
And I didn't drink

A week,
a month,
60 days,
a sponsor,
90 days,
six months
and a year
and I didn't drink
and it got better.

I served coffee
I became a sponsor
I made friends
I started to grow up
I was the secretary of a meeting
I became a board member
of a recovery house
I attended meetings
and I didn't drink.
And it got better
I got to leave the bank branch on the Sunset Strip,
my bottom in banking,
I got a job in a decent bank
I became a Vice President
I had a reputation,
a good one,
I knew people,
I got things done.
My kids grew up
I quit banking,
became a juvenile hall counselor
and then a Park Ranger,
a park cop,
I had a daughter unexpectedly,
I had a heart attack,
I turned 65,
I retired
and I didn't drink.

And today I have 30 years.
It's true
the way to get to be an old timer
in AA is
don't drink
and don't die.

Winter in California

After a very cold week in California
December 11, 2013


Today is the last day
of our nearly freezing weather.
I know but it's California,
California on the coast,
San Francisco Bay
OK, it's seldom warm here.
We're cool here,
but almost never cold.

Two days ago
I walked down the path
in Canyon Trail Park,
sounds wild but it's smack in the middle of houses.
The small creek that runs through it pools at the bottom
and the pool was covered in a large sheet of ice
in the afternoon.
A rock I threw skittered across it
and the sun was shining all day
cold and clear.
I've seen ice here in the morning
before the sun is up
but never in the afternoon

Saturday on Shattuck Avenue in Berkeley
the streets are crowded with pedestrians
students, people on errands,
the young people who live on the street
and workers.
And they're all wearing extra clothes
ski clothes or sweatshirts piled on,
scarves wrapped around their faces, wooly hats,
many have on gloves,
real winter clothes they've scrounged somewhere,
or the clothes they use
when they play in the snow near Tahoe
clothes they've dug out of a closet or found on the street

And then there are the few
like punctuation in the common narrative
obviously visiting from a colder clime
in light clothes, some even
in short sleeved shirts
enjoying the sunny day
and the warm weather
winter and 10 degrees above freezing
balmy weather for them
walking among us, our blood thinner,
chilled to the bone even in the sunshine.

So in a day or two,
the high pressure system will shift
the winds from Alaska
will slack and
we will be back to our normal winter,
jackets, hats, a layer or two,
cold, but no more
down jackets, scarves over the face
and wondering where our gloves are.

Global warming,
inevitable changes
is it possible we'll be colder here in El Cerrito
instead of warmer?
balancing out a soon to be temperate Canada.
Well at least for now, god willing,
not tomorrow.