Daddy at 65

“Your granddaughter is so cute.”  Or sometimes people ask, “Is that your granddaughter or your daughter?”  It’s my daughter.  At age of 65 I find both situations a little uncomfortable.  Early on I decided to be directly honest about it and not let it go.  I don’t want my daughter to ever hear me equivocate on whether she is mine.  I have to admit I’m still a little sensitive to the question.  Yes, I am 65 years old and I have a two year old daughter. 

I think my problem is that my own judgments on elderly daddies were not all that kind.  On the other hand, I have Paloma and she is the gift of my life.  She is the most incredible person I know and I am the luckiest guy in the world to be her Daddy. 

In the 4, 000 year old epic, the goddess tells Gilgamesh:

When the gods created man they allotted to him death, but life they retained in their own keeping. As for you, Gilgamesh, fill your belly with good things; day and night, night and day, dance and be merry, feast and rejoice. Let your clothes be fresh, bathe yourself in water, cherish the little child that holds your hand, and make your wife happy in your embrace; for this too is the lot of man.

I am a fortunate man, though I have to admit one of Paloma’s quirks is she doesn’t like to hold hands.  She strains against it to maintain her freedom.  That’s my daughter.  I do get the same or better feeling with her arms around my neck when she asks to be carried, something she frequently does.  I have been fortunate to feel that love and trust from a small child four times now.  My three sons range in age from 42 to 36 and it was a long time ago with them, but a feeling I still cherish in my heart. 

Back in the sixties I heard the arguments for ZPG, zero population growth, two children is enough for anyone.  Intellectually I agree, but circumstances gave me three sons.  And now I have a daughter.  The feeling I have is this side of embarrassment.  I haven’t acted exactly according to my beliefs, but it wasn’t a conscious decision.  Thank God, I don’t have full control of everything that happens in my life.  Before Paloma I judged older men with small children harshly.  I think children are for young people and I love and enjoy the children of my sons, but I have a daughter. 

I remind myself that Picasso and Chaplin had daughters late in life who have been a blessing on everyone, beautiful gifted children.  I am still judgmental, but my judgments are tempered by the results.  The world is fortunate for the lives of Paloma Picasso and Geraldine Chaplin.  And the world and I are fortunate for the existence of Paloma Ida Duggan.